The Confines of Marriage

[Jeffrey]

I'm a 42 yeard old male; married for the first time about a year ago.
My wife left a job she hated, moved out of the big city and to
suburbia, where she returned to school. My dilemma (among a few) is
that she insists on doing everything together; I can't even go to the
gym once a week. Now, don't get me wrong; I think it's romantic that
she wants to be together all the time but I'm a bit of an introvert and
enjoy time alone. I think that part of why she wants me by her all the
time is that she doesn't trust me. I haven't given her reason not to,
though. I could go on and on but I won't unless someone wants to e-mail
me and exchange notes. I'm not looking for anything more than a
sounding board; just someone to bounce some thoughts off of.

[Lena]

Post by Jeffrey
I'm a 42 yeard old male; married for the first time about a year ago.
My wife left a job she hated, moved out of the big city and to
suburbia, where she returned to school. My dilemma (among a few) is
that she insists on doing everything together; I can't even go to the
gym once a week. Now, don't get me wrong; I think it's romantic that
she wants to be together all the time but I'm a bit of an introvert and
enjoy time alone. I think that part of why she wants me by her all the
time is that she doesn't trust me. I haven't given her reason not to,
though. I could go on and on but I won't unless someone wants to e-mail
me and exchange notes. I'm not looking for anything more than a
sounding board; just someone to bounce some thoughts off of.

Hi Jeffrey,
I can almost understand how you feel. I'm going though almost the
same thing. MY husband doesn't want to go everywhere with me but
every time I'm not in his face he calls me and wants to know where I
am. Instead of taking it like he doesn't trust me, I just assume he's
just worried about me. At least that's what I hope is the problem.

Also, maybe she (your wife) has had a lot of bad experiences in her
past and has'nt learned to not expect everyone to do her wrong. Did
you try to talk to her and ask her what the problem is? Sometimes it
can help.

[me]

Post by Lena
Hi Jeffrey,
I can almost understand how you feel. I'm going though almost the
same thing. MY husband doesn't want to go everywhere with me but
every time I'm not in his face he calls me and wants to know where I
am. Instead of taking it like he doesn't trust me, I just assume he's
just worried about me. At least that's what I hope is the problem.
Also, maybe she (your wife) has had a lot of bad experiences in her
past and has'nt learned to not expect everyone to do her wrong. Did
you try to talk to her and ask her what the problem is? Sometimes it
can help.

I agree, talking with your partner is key! Reassurance of your love
for them may need to be made more clear each and everytime you depart
for your time doing whatever. In a new relationship this is more
evident, but can fade. If you both are very attractive and have a lot
of conversations with others, this may add to the insecurities of your
partner. Involve them when you can, but your time alone is an
important thing. Dont give in, but be understanding of your partners
feelings, and talk with them about it.

[Vanessa]

Post by me

Post by Lena
Hi Jeffrey,
I can almost understand how you feel. I'm going though almost the
same thing. MY husband doesn't want to go everywhere with me but
every time I'm not in his face he calls me and wants to know where I
am. Instead of taking it like he doesn't trust me, I just assume he's
just worried about me. At least that's what I hope is the problem.
Also, maybe she (your wife) has had a lot of bad experiences in her
past and has'nt learned to not expect everyone to do her wrong. Did
you try to talk to her and ask her what the problem is? Sometimes it
can help.

I agree, talking with your partner is key! Reassurance of your love
for them may need to be made more clear each and everytime you depart
for your time doing whatever. In a new relationship this is more
evident, but can fade. If you both are very attractive and have a lot
of conversations with others, this may add to the insecurities of your
partner. Involve them when you can, but your time alone is an
important thing. Dont give in, but be understanding of your partners
feelings, and talk with them about it.

HI Jeffrey,
Have you had a chance to talk to your wife? If so, what did she say.
Its all about communication. You've been married for a year and if you
want to continued marrie tell her how you feel.

[Darren]

Post by Vanessa

Post by me

Post by Lena
Hi Jeffrey,
I can almost understand how you feel. I'm going though almost the
same thing. MY husband doesn't want to go everywhere with me but
every time I'm not in his face he calls me and wants to know where I
am. Instead of taking it like he doesn't trust me, I just assume he's
just worried about me. At least that's what I hope is the problem.
Also, maybe she (your wife) has had a lot of bad experiences in her
past and has'nt learned to not expect everyone to do her wrong. Did
you try to talk to her and ask her what the problem is? Sometimes it
can help.

I agree, talking with your partner is key! Reassurance of your love
for them may need to be made more clear each and everytime you depart
for your time doing whatever. In a new relationship this is more
evident, but can fade. If you both are very attractive and have a lot
of conversations with others, this may add to the insecurities of your
partner. Involve them when you can, but your time alone is an
important thing. Dont give in, but be understanding of your partners
feelings, and talk with them about it.

HI Jeffrey,
Have you had a chance to talk to your wife? If so, what did she say.
Its all about communication. You've been married for a year and if you
want to continued marrie tell her how you feel.

Hi I agree with all comunication is the key.
I too had the same problem and used some lines from this writting
below to my girlfriend to illustrate how important it is to have some
breathing space from each other. Im not religous but I like quotes and
writings like this.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love; let it rather be a
moving sea between the shores of your souls. Sing and dance together
and be joyous, but let each of you be alone, even as the strings of a
lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your
hearts, but not into each other's keeping, for only the hand of life
can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near
together; for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak and
the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. But let there be spaces
in your togetherness, and let the winds of heaven dance between you.
- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I used the parts "And stand together, yet not too near together; for
the pillars of the temple stand apart" and I also told her why,
because the temple would fall and break apart if they stood too close.
I also used the part "and the oak and the cypress grow not in each
other's shadow" and again I also told her why, because they would not
grow if there was no light and like the temple and plants I would like
to grow with us together.
It worked for me and my girlfriend now respects my quite periods as we
call them.

I wish you all the best and success

Darren