What am I missing?

[Dave]

Can someone tell me how to handle this situation?

My wife tapes the Dr. Phil shows that she thinks would be good to
watch together.
I like Dr. Phil too and see a lot of value in his shows, but if it was
not for my wife, I would not watch them.
Usually I watch the shows that my wife thinks have a valuable message,
because she's a mart person and if she thinks it is worth our time and
effort, then I believe her.

Here's the problem - my wife says she has a show taped, would I like
to watch it.
I say, no, not right now - there is something else I want to do.

Then she gets mad and talks about how she feels like I don't value her
because I don't want to watch the shows when she asks. I say, yes, I
value your opinion, but I just don't want to watch that show right
now.
In fact, I will often say to her, "do you want to watch those Dr. Phil
shows you taped", and she will usually say no, not now.
She seems to forget that I continually make an effort to watch the
shows she thinks are important, and when I remind her of the fact that
I have suggested watching the show many times, it seems to go in one
ear and out the other.

I offer to come to some compromise about when we can watch the shows,
and ask her what else I could do so that she doesn't feel that I don't
value her opinion.

She responds that she needs some time alone, and I say " okay, I'll go
in the office for a while" and then she's pissed off about that.

What the hell?

Am I missing something?

Any advice how I can resolve this stupid situation that keeps
occurring?

Thanks,

Dave

[VIVEK]

Dear Dave,


Human relationships especially with your spouse is a great feeling.
Its something which needs total committment, when I say this its not
merely words but to get to the core of what COMMITMENT means.

Ask yourself these few question and you can resolve the disputes.
1. IS THE WORK AT YOUR END THAT IMPORTANT?
2. OFF LATE HOW MUCH CLOSE YOU HAVE BEEN FEELING TOWARDS YOUR WIFE?
3. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF GIVING YOUR WIFE'S PHIL THING A THOUGHT OR
TWO?

Dave in most of the cases rather than geting pissed off, get to the
reality of the things. Accept behaviours of people. Dont loose your
cool cause thats the only one asset one has.

Get into your wifes shoes with utmost reference and affection, with
utmost love. Just for a little time forget what work you want to do.
Accept her desire and slowly understanding it make it a point realx
her with her stuff.

In times to come you will realise that she will no longer need Phil.
She will be proud that you attended her and will act your ways.

But in all this it is of utmost inportance that you serve her.
Remember life is here and now.]

Viv

[Dave]

Post by VIVEK
Dear Dave,
Human relationships especially with your spouse is a great feeling.
Its something which needs total committment, when I say this its not
merely words but to get to the core of what COMMITMENT means.
Ask yourself these few question and you can resolve the disputes.
1. IS THE WORK AT YOUR END THAT IMPORTANT?
2. OFF LATE HOW MUCH CLOSE YOU HAVE BEEN FEELING TOWARDS YOUR WIFE?
3. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF GIVING YOUR WIFE'S PHIL THING A THOUGHT OR
TWO?
Dave in most of the cases rather than geting pissed off, get to the
reality of the things. Accept behaviours of people. Dont loose your
cool cause thats the only one asset one has.
Get into your wifes shoes with utmost reference and affection, with
utmost love. Just for a little time forget what work you want to do.
Accept her desire and slowly understanding it make it a point realx
her with her stuff.
In times to come you will realise that she will no longer need Phil.
She will be proud that you attended her and will act your ways.
But in all this it is of utmost inportance that you serve her.
Remember life is here and now.]
Viv

Hi Viv,

Thank you for your feedback.
You have some good points that I will consider.
Usually when we have an issue, I try to discover the feelings and real
message behind her actions. Though, it is not something inherent to my
'man' way of thinking, and I still have much to learn.

Best Regards,
Dave

[W.E.Cole]

Sit down with your wife and tell her explain how you feel (exactly how you
wrote it below). Tell her how much you care for her, you admire her
judgement and want to spend time together watching the shows. Also, tell her
sometimes you don't want to drop what you're doing and watch them "right
then" and remind her that sometimes she feels the same. Then explain your
confusion about the situation and ask her how she feels about it. Give her
the oppertunity to get her feelings out in the open and LISTEN to everything
she says (that means don't try to cut her off and "explain" your actions...
this is a time for HER to get everything off her chest. Remember, you
started the conversation and already had your turn to talk, so give her a
chance to fully explain her feelings before you try to respond to what she
is saying. If you interrupt her before she says everything she wants to say,
it will be just like opening a door for her and slamming it in her face when
she trys to walk through - she WILL get angry.) Then ask her about the
"needs some alone time" situation - tell her you are confused by her
reactions when your try to give her what she wants and ask her what would
make her feel better when she starts feeling that way. (When MY wife says
that, it usually means she just wants a few minutes away from me, in a
different room, but wants me near when she's ready to talk/make up - she's
feeling both annoyed/angry and vulnerable. Sort of like pushing me away with
one hand while she holds on with the other.)

Good communication is the only way to have a good marriage.

~WEC

BTW, my experience has been that it's never good idea to "go to the office".
Take a walk around the block instead. I bet she reacts better to that.

Post by Dave
Can someone tell me how to handle this situation?
My wife tapes the Dr. Phil shows that she thinks would be good to
watch together.
I like Dr. Phil too and see a lot of value in his shows, but if it was
not for my wife, I would not watch them.
Usually I watch the shows that my wife thinks have a valuable message,
because she's a mart person and if she thinks it is worth our time and
effort, then I believe her.
Here's the problem - my wife says she has a show taped, would I like
to watch it.
I say, no, not right now - there is something else I want to do.
Then she gets mad and talks about how she feels like I don't value her
because I don't want to watch the shows when she asks. I say, yes, I
value your opinion, but I just don't want to watch that show right
now.
In fact, I will often say to her, "do you want to watch those Dr. Phil
shows you taped", and she will usually say no, not now.
She seems to forget that I continually make an effort to watch the
shows she thinks are important, and when I remind her of the fact that
I have suggested watching the show many times, it seems to go in one
ear and out the other.
I offer to come to some compromise about when we can watch the shows,
and ask her what else I could do so that she doesn't feel that I don't
value her opinion.
She responds that she needs some time alone, and I say " okay, I'll go
in the office for a while" and then she's pissed off about that.
What the hell?
Am I missing something?
Any advice how I can resolve this stupid situation that keeps
occurring?
Thanks,
Dave